


• Crush •

by cuddlychanniee



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bisexual Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Boys Kissing, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Lee Felix is Bad at Feelings (Stray Kids), Lee Felix is a Panicked Gay (Stray Kids), M/M, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:27:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29008284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlychanniee/pseuds/cuddlychanniee
Summary: "You were always there, when I was at my darkest times, right?", Chan said while looking at Lix."And you were there for me, when I got out...", he replied with a smile on his face."What do you mean..?""When I got eliminated...", Felix mumbled.••Felix always had a little crush on his leader, Chan... but he always tried to ignore his feelings.What if he can't control his feelings anymore and Chan finds out..?Will their relationship change..?
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be my first try writing a fanfic... I'll post the first chapter later❤ 
> 
> Love you all..! Stay healthy..!

**Prologue**

"You were always there, when I was at my darkest times, right?", Chan said while looking at Lix.  
  
"And you were there for me, when I got out...", he replied with a smile on his face.  
  
"What do you mean..?"  
  
"When I got eliminated...", Felix mumbled.

  
Felix always had a little crush on his leader, Chan... but he always tried to ignore his feelings.  
  
What if he can't control his feelings anymore and Chan finds out..?  
Will their relationship change..?


	2. The elimination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️Get your tissues guys... this chapter is really emotional⚠️

Felix POV: 

A few days after our busking performance, we met JYP again. Not gonna lie, I'm really scared right now. JYP already eliminated Minho, and me and Jeongin are still the removal crisis members. 

But why am I scared right now? Well... at the end of our busking performance, I made a mistake. I couldn't hold by balance when I was supposed to stand on the back of two members. So I fell off... 

I hope I won't get eliminated because of this.  
If he throws me out of the group, I'll have to go back to Australia... living my old life again. 

My thoughts got interrupted when JYP spoke up: 

JYP: "Chan, you have to do better! In everything"  
All of the members were shocked. Why is JYP telling Chan to do better? He literally does everything for us and is good at everything, he doesn't deserve such a bad feedback. 

JYP: "As for you Hyunjin, when you rap I can't hear what you're saying." 

Can JYP even say something nice? If he even tells Chan and Hyunjin to do better, what will he say about me? 

JYP: "For Felix, you made a mistake in the end, why did you do that? A bigger problem than that is, when you rap, it doesn't reach out to me at all... because you lack in korean language." 

I gulped. He doesn't need to tell me about my lack in korean... I know that I need to study harder. I just hope that he gives me another chance... I don't want the others to lose another member. 

JYP: "The potential eliminations are Woojail, Hyunjin and Felix" 

Please don't eliminate me... 

JYP to Felix: "This time, you won't be able to go on. " 

I really fucked up this time. My eyes got teary and I just wanted to dissapear... I don't want to leave them. 

"Up until now, I know that you guys have helped and leaned on each other. This is a market with so many boy groups. You guys need to show and prove your skills directly, otherwise you can't survive. You will be really sad and upset but, this could be better for your team, I hope you could understand that. The remaining 7 members tightly knit yourselves together, and I hope there will be no more eliminations." 

JYP stood up and left the room. Jisung came up to me hugged me tightly. I broke down in tears and cried into his shoulder.  
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...", I sobbed. 

This is all my fault. I'll never be able to forgive myself for that. Because of me they got hurt again and lost another member... 

All of the members were crying because of me. I am so sorry... 

After Jisungs hug, I fell into Changbins arms. He crouched on the floor and was the one who cried the hardest. The sight really hurt me...  
We both cried into eachothers arms... he really has a special place in my heart. 

Changbin: "You did well... Hyung is really sorry, I really am."  
Felix: "Why are you sorry..."  
Changbin: "Hyung is really sorry..."  
Felix: "Why should you be sorry..." 

Why is Changbin apologizing? It was all my fault...  
He shouldn't be the one to feel guilty. 

After letting go of our hug, Chan pulled me out of the room with him. When he looked straight into my eyes, my heart shattered. Even if he wasn't crying, I saw the hurt in his eyes... 

Chan: "Always find me, yeah..? I'm never gonna leave you behind, yeah?"  
I nodded while holding back my tears. These words really hurt me... why is he caring so much about me? I literally ruined everything... 

Why did my heart hurt so much when I saw the hurt in his eyes?... I really don't understand it. 

Hyunjin came into the room and hugged me:  
"I'm so sorry...", I fell into his arms  
Hyunjin: "Why... don't cry... you didn't do anything wrong..."  
Yes I did... I did everything wrong. 

I was sitting in front of a camera alone and the interviewer told me to tell them how I feel: 

"I really, to the end, wanted to debut together. But I got eliminated. My heart hurts a lot... I don't know what I should do now. "  
I just can't go back to Australia now.... after what Chan said, I got some hope. I'll work harder and practice my korean, my dancing skills and my rap skills. I don't think I'll ever get a chance by JYP again. But at least I can try it. 

Other members POV when Felix left the room for the interview: 

Hyunjin: "Felix is like child, he needs to be taken care of. He has such a warm heart. To the point I feel so sorry, that is the kind of friend he is." 

Jisung: "Out of the 9 of us, Felix worked the hardest."  
He really did... He learned korean in such a short time and practiced dancing and rapping at the same time. And even if he lacks in korean and his rapping, it's astonishing how he managed to do all that. 

Chan also had to left the room for a solo interview: 

Chan POV: 

I broke down in tears in front of the camera...  
"Even when you're really struggling, I should've been there. I'm so sorry..."  
I lost a member again... this is all my fault. I should've been there for him. But now it's too late. I don't want to lose Felix... he's really special to me. When JYP told us that Lix is eliminated, my heart shattered... He doesn't deserve this. 

Back to Felix' solo interview:  
"To Stray Kids members, I'm really thankful. Thank you for helping me a lot, thank you so much. I'm sorry I can't be together with you guys." 

After that I hugged all the members for the last time and left the JYP building.


	3. The walk home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️You'll need tissues again I guess⚠️

Felix POV:  
I swiped away some tears that rolled down my cheeks and looked around me.   
Will this be the last time I see the JYP building?   
My thoughts got interrupted when I saw Chan running out of the building and straight up to me.  
"Lix..!", he called my name and I looked up to meet his eyes.   
"I'll walk you back to the dorm, yeah?... I can't leave you alone in this state..." 

The walk back to the dorm was almost silent. Nobody of us said a word...   
When we arrived at the dorm, Chan used his key to open the door. I thought he'll go back to the JYP building, but he went into our shared room. I followed him there and didn't expect what happened next.   
He pulled me into his arms and began crying.   
"I am so sorry Lix... I should've been there for you... this is all my fault", he sobbed.  
I also teared up again after his words.  
"Don't apologize Chan... nothing was your fault, okay? It was all my fault... I should've studied harder...".  
"Don't say that Lix... you did your best... I'm really proud of you", Chan looked at me with a sad smile.   
"There's nothing to be proud of... I made you guys lost another member...", a tear rolled down my cheek.  
Chan swiped away the tear with his thumb and my heart skipped a beat.   
"Lix, stop giving yourself the fault, okay?... we'll find a way to get you back, yeah? And Minho as well, of course."  
"You really deserve the world, Chan... you are caring so much about us and are doing everything for us... I'm really thankful for that...", I gave him a small smile.  
"There's no need to thank me Lix... I'm happy that I have you guys... and I'll really miss you Lix... you're like a little brother to me", Chan said while caressing my cheek with his thumb. 

Why did the "brother" kinda hurt me... Do I have feelings for Chan? I don't even know if I'm gay, or maybe bisexual?... my heartbeat increased when he looked at me like that and caressed my cheek.  
Suddenly he leaned in closer to my face while still holding my cheek with his vEinY hand.  
What is happening right now?...   
I can literally feel his breath on my lips... he's so close...  
I thought he's going to kiss me but before our lips met, he kissed my forehead and hugged me again. Why did I even think he'll kiss me on the lips?...


	4. Lost in thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Felix having a sexual crisis because of Chan lol

(Time skip to 2020) 

Felix POV: 

"We'll find a way to get you back, yeah? And Minho as well, of course."  
That's what Chan said after my elimination.   
He was right, after a few days JYP wanted us back, because he heard that me and Minho worked hard practicing everyday after our elimination. He gave us another chance. 

So here we are today. Stray Kids, a 8 member group that broke many records.   
I never thought we'll make it, but we did. 

But there is still a problem... I still feel so weird around Chan. I feel like having a sexual crisis...  
I mean have you seen him?... his beautiful face with his cute eyes and plump lips, his abs that I'm staring at all the time he wears a croptop, his muscular arms with his veiny hands, and his peach formed butt- (ok sorry haha)  
Lee Felix- why are you thinking about Chans butt... I'm not thinking straight anymore. 

Is that what having a crush feel like?   
I just want to hug Chan the whole day and give him kisses all over his pretty face... and he's so cute when he's barefaced omg-  
My head is full of Chan goddamnit... 

I looked at the time on my phone and whisper yelled: "It's fuckin' 4am already?... I thought about Chan for 3 hours?... tf"  
Well-...  
Maybe I am crushing on him... does that mean I'm gay?... or maybe bisexual?...  
I never really thought about my sexuality... I dated a girl back in Australia, but I didn't feel anything when we hugged or held hands... 

Meanwhile Chan POV: 

After spending half of the night working on songs in the studio, I went back to the dorm and put of my shoes and my jacket.   
The members are probably sleeping already... or that's what I thought..  
When I entered mine and Felix' shared room, I didn't expect Felix to be still awake...   
I think he didn't hear me coming in, so I got closer to his bed and tried to make him notice me:  
"Hey Lix, why aren't you sleeping, yet?"  
He didn't hear me... he looks lost in his thoughts.  
"Liiiix... earth to Felix!"  
He looked up to me and almost jumped off the bed.   
"Omg Chan... you scared me!"  
I looked at him confused.  
"I literally called your name twice and you didn't react at all... what were you thinking about? You looked so deep in thoughts. And why aren't you sleeping... it's 4am" 

"I could ask you the same question Chan" 

"I was working Lix..." 

"You're always working... you should rest sometimes hyung..." 

"But hey! Don't change the topic.. I asked you what you were thinking about... tell me"


	5. The coming out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix telling Chan that he thinks he's bisexual

Felix POV:  
Shit-... I can't tell him what I was thinking about...  
"Come on Lix, I'm curious... please tell me", he pouted and my heart skipped a beat at the sight.  
"Well... It's complicated...", I looked down and just wanted to dissapear... should I tell him that I think I'm bisexual?... he won't judge me, right? 

"Lix...", he put his hand on my shoulder and rubbed is slowly, "you can tell me everything, yeah? I won't judge you." 

"Chan, can I tell you something?... but please don't tell the others...", I fiddled with my fingers and got nervous.  
"I promise to keep it a secret, yeah?", he ruffled my hair.  
"I think I'm bisexual"  
Chan gave me a smile and hugged me.  
"Now we're official not 'straight kids'!", he started laughing.  
"What do you mean?...", I asked. 

"All of us are kinda gay... you didn't notice?" 

"Uhm no actually... but I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one...", I looked up to him and gave him a little smile. 

"And I think Minho and Jisung are doing unholy things in their room right now... when I passed their room, I heard weird noises" 

"I didn't want to know that, Chan! My poor innocence ahhh", I yelled at him and started blushing. 

"Soo why do you suddenly think you're bisexual?", Chan asked while looking into my eyes.  
I won't tell him the real reason... Because HE is the reason...  
"I'm not really sure if I'm bisexual...", I looked at the floor to avert Chans eyes.  
"Did you ever had feelings for a boy or kissed one?", he asked. 

"I actually never kissed anyone before...", I blushed, "gosh that's so embarrassing" 

"It's not embarrassing Lix... it's actually kinda cute", he poked my cheek. 

"How can I find out if I'm bisexual tho?...", I looked up at him again. 

"I have an idea", Chan smirked.  
Why did he smirk like that omg-... what is he planning to do?... and can my heart please calm down...


End file.
